I'm a guy.
What does that mean exactly? It means 'guys' have funny ways of finding out
about romance. I'll be the first to tell you most of what we learn turns out to
be 99% wrong. That other 1% women have to tell us about and we usually poo poo
the whole concept you might be right. Otherwise, men wouldn't still be using
the same tired pick up lines learned at the feet of our forefathers. Honestly,
it's a wonder the human race didn't die out before it got started.
All that said,
how did I learn enough about romance to end up writing books on the subject.
The answer is simple. Comic books. Huh? Did he just say comic books? Don't
worry, I knew you were going to say that so went ahead and typed it. The answer
is, "yes I did" and "I did." Before you hit a bookmark and
go to Facebook to laugh at me publicly, allow me to explain. This is going to
take a few blogs, so expect to come back for my next thrilling issue.
Today I'm
going with the basics. Comic books are the male equivalent of soap operas. I
know women read comics too, but this is as close as most men come to openly
stating we watch or read anything close to romance. What makes comics a romance
medium? Let me give you some examples
Romance and
comics both start off with a bigger than life hero. Be it Superman or Chase
Michaels from my own Immortally Yours,
the hero is set up to be the man every other man would want to be and every
woman should want. Superman is invulnerable. Chase is immortal. Yet, they both
have their weaknesses. Supes has kryptonite. Chase has his own tortured past.
It isn't their strengths that make them appealing to women. It's the fact that
both characters refuse to allow their weaknesses to hold them back.
Now, that we
have the hero out of the way, let's move on to the heroine. Romances have
strong females propelling the story, so do comics. It would be easy to toss
Wonder Woman at you to illustrate this point, but I'm not. In paranormal
romances, the heroine rarely has any superpowers to speak of. Most of the time
it's the man who is the tortured vampire, or strong cursed werewolf. Comics
have so many strong females who don't have superpowers it isn't funny, though
we're talking about 'funny' books. Lois
Lane is easily as strong mentally and in the
spirit department as Superman. Mary Jane Watson has puny Peter Parker beat when
it comes to knowing who she is and what she wants. As we well know, old Pete ain't got a clue. To dip into the super-powered
side of comics, Sue Storm Richards might look like she has the weakest power
out of the Fantastic Four, but not only can she level a mountain then push it
out of the way, she is the glue that holds the FF together and has kept those
other three knuckleheads in line for over forty years, all while raising two
kids. Tell me she doesn't deserve some respect!
Romances
thrive on strong females. Who wants to read about some mewling woman dependent
on a man to define her, protect her, and generally keep her happily barefoot
and pregnant at home? I don't. I know that you as readers don't. Neither do the
millions of guys reading comics out there. We want women as strong as the Hulk
out there mixing it up. We won't go into the costumes. That's the only place
where men are still dragging our knuckles in the dirt and grunting like
cavemen. I don't draw the costumes but as a guy I will appreciate them until my
wife knocks me over the head with the club I dropped to dislocate my eyeballs
leering at them. Picture to right is an ample example, but in her defense the Red She-Hulk kicks butt and takes names.
Okay we've got
heroes and heroines, but where's the romance? Let's start with Superman. Clark
and Lois spent nearly seventy years going round and round the romance carousel
before finally admitting they loved each other and getting married. Peter
Parker and Mary Jane took less time, only twenty some odd years. Reed Richards
and Susan Storm had them all beat by taking less than one hundred issues to tie
the knot, but Stan Lee knew that every great story revolved around two things.
A boy and a girl, plus giving the people what they wanted.
Speaking
strictly as a guy, and a geek, I loved the romance going on between those
characters. It helped drive the story and keep me coming back. I knew that
sooner or later the Green Goblin or Doc Doom would show up for a big showdown.
But, I didn't know if Peter and Mary would hook up. I'll be going more into
Peter Parker on a later blog, by the way. A comic book with just one fight
after another would be boring. I seriously doubt they would have last this long
if that was the only thing going on. The issues where Clark
married Lois and Peter married Mary Jane were some of the biggest sellers in
history, so I'm not the only one who must have thought that way.
So, basically
what I'm try to say is that comic books taught me everything I know about
romance and it must have worked. I'm happily married to the woman of my dreams,
who puts up with my geekiness. Do you know how hard it is to find a woman like
that? Well, believe me, it's hard. Another thing, you're reading this blog
because you've read at least one of my books, so that means comics have taught
me well enough for you to enjoy the fruit of my addiction to comics. So, the
next time you want to read a good romance, pick up a comic. It may take you
fifty years to get your happily ever after, but it is a fun ride until it
happens.
Next week,
check out my second part of this Comic Farce, Peter Parker is a man whore, over
at my personal blog The Morgan Diaries. I'll be examining how this geeky
superhero has played with the emotions of countless women and trained geeks
like me in the ways of how not to romance a woman. I'm blowing the lid off this
one, folks. J. Jonah Jameson will be positively green with envy!
